Finding a partner in the dark jungle, how do you do that?
Finding together around the Scriptures. Photo iStock, Ben White
Christian Life
To be or not to be, that was the question. But for me the question has been who is appropriate to date. Does it need to be a person from your own church denomination? Or one who shares the Christian faith?
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Before I turned to God, I found all these questions irrelevant. For me, this was a matter of “live and let live” and if you respected my thing, I respected yours. Not dissimilar to when a good friend of mine had a vastly different view on politics, we just agreed to disagree and that was that.
But I changed my mind.
For most of my journey towards the light of the Gospel, I was single. I was free to reflect on my religion without interference from others. I had an occasional date here and there with a string of admirers (some Christan and others not). To all single ladies out there: being conservative, Christian, and somewhat pretty gets you a long way!
But first the question arises: Whom should I consider a potential date? I searched for someone who shared my faith, and I was inspired by some truly sweet couples in my church.
For me, this was new. I had rarely seen that people shared prayer routines or the Christian life. However, in church I found no such man for me, although there are many good men there. So, I decided to brave the outside world to find a partner.
For a brief time, my goal of finding a partner with the same faith got in the background. Instead, I focused on good banter, fun and excitement with a partner, even if he did not believe.
The false glitter of the material world can truly be dazzling. While it is possible to inspire another to find God, in my case it was a clear case of vanity.
It was not that I caught my declining interest to attend church services. I did not notice how I was slipping away from the good life I built for myself in church.
This is the very thing I write about! Isn’t it strange and somehow equally obvious how easily mindless fun can turn us away from God, when we are not aligning our faith properly?
While I strongly advise not to have a non-Christan partner, this does not mean that I think they are bad or evil. I only advise caution, especially when your faith is new like mine.
I shrugged off the concerned questions asked first by my friends and then by myself. After all, I was having a good time! Yet, I had to realise that I had lost the guiding star. Even in our love life, Christ should be king.
I learned this from my brief experience from dating a non-believer. After an unexpected meeting and turn of events, I longed to go to church again. This can only be described as an answered prayer! I decided to renavigate and turn towards the light again. And this time, I am not alone, for which I am grateful, humbled and happy.
No matter if you agree with me or not, a second question remains. Where do we meet the right spouse?
Church is the place to start with. If you are lucky to find someone there – excellent! The likelihood of meeting a fellow believer is, obviously, the greatest there. Let your eye wander down the aisle, does anyone catch your attention? If anyone does, resist the urge to flirt over the psalm book and approach them after service or have a friend introduce you if you have not met yet.
Even if no sparks fly, it is a great opportunity for Gen Zs to practise talking to people of the opposite sex offline. Doing this can be of help to anyone aiming to live offline in a world where the chronically online disorder has infected school, work, and friendships alike. At least some of us remember a time before the smartphone.
A bonus from meeting in church is that your date shares your values when it comes to topics such as marriage, family, and premarital sex. This makes those conversations much easier.
As a church leader with a multitude of singles in your congregation, why would you not invent some open-door activity? You could provide a physical space to meet naturally, with the added benefit of happening under the safe eye of the church. Perhaps a speed dating for a specific age-range? If that would be too awkward, why not arrange something less obviously dating related. Or copy my grandmother’s favourite advice – set out an opportunity for people to work together or just set up a boardgame night. Be creative!
If you (like me) were unable to find a partner in your local church, please resist the urge to download a dating app. We still want to remain offline! If you stay indoors, your chance of meeting someone will be zero and those apps numb the heart.
There is a rumour that a runner’s club is a secret dating pool. Visit the neighbouring church, find a hobby-related event, or go consistently to the gym, take care of that God given body and who knows who you might meet? The friend of a friend comes with the benefit of someone vouching for their good character.
Do you have a cross necklace? Wear it visibly or “Sherlock scan” a potential partner for such a necklace. I am not advising you to use this as an analogical filter, but it can be a good conversation starter. Just to find out if he is indeed a Christian. I met someone in a complete secular environment, and after some time, we happily noticed that we both wore crosses! Now we are friends.
Take the time to pray, not only to just find a partner but to find a good partner. My prayers were answered, so why would not yours be? Or those of your friend or child?
Walking through life with the goal of inviting Christ into marriage seems to me fulfilling, romantic and a wonderful way to keep the relationship alive long past the death of infatuation.
Let us call it a dream of mine. Meeting someone sharing our faith significantly raises the chances of them being the one to grow old with, even in an age of divorce and strife.
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