Mother's column – Children and a career, can they be reconciled?
A nanny takes care of the kids, while the mother works from home. Photo ANP, Jeroen Jumelet
Christian Life
Should I have a career? Or must I be a stay-at-home mum? Is it possible to combine both? These are perhaps the most frequently asked questions among mothers, and probably among those who hope to become mothers.
There is always a tension in this choice, which stems from so much cultural conditioning. In some circles, the Bible is used to justify the exclusion of women from the workforce, while others proclaim female empowerment and advocate the liberation of women from the role of maternal care.
It is not easy to reconcile these extremes. Often guilt accompanies every decision.
Will I spend enough time with my children if I work? Will I be a good professional if I have children? Will I be able to hold it all together in my life?
Calling
These are questions I have asked myself and continue to ask. For a Christian woman, the focus of the questions should shift from "what do I want" to "what is the Lord calling me to do? Although this question gives much more serenity and perspective, it is not easy to find an immediate answer.
The Lord's will does not come to us on a letterhead and there are times when the Lord calls us to change, to renew and to question our decisions and ideas.
I have often wondered how my callings affect the lives of my children. How does a part-time job from home affect them? At the same time, I have seen career mothers wonder if it is right to deprive their children of more time with them.
Neither lifestyle is better than the other. And neither is more justified than the other. There are both sinful ways of being a stay-at-home mother and sinful ways of being a career mother. Just as there is a way to live everything to the glory of God.
Enemy
I am learning more and more that while the seasons of life change, one thing does not: God's faithfulness to His children and the fulfilment of His promises to those who honour Him.
To live out work, motherhood or both for the glory of God means to change the motive, goal, perspective and purpose for which one vocation is lived out rather than the other.
In this way of living out callings, every mother and woman will feel attacked by the enemy and experience guilt, fear or frustration, but there is one biblical promise that resonates with me in particular.
In Proverbs 14:26 we read, "He who fears the Lord has a sure fortress, and it will be a refuge for his children.
The times and seasons of our lives will always be uncertain, and we may have to move from seasons when we are just postpartum mothers to career women, or times when it will be difficult to find the right balance between the two. But in the uncertainty, if these callings are lived out in the fear of the Lord, He will be a fortress not only for us but also for our children. Seeing mothers living their vocation in the fear of the Lord will also be a refuge for our little ones, who will reflexively live in the security of an unshakable faith.
Whatever a Christian mother's vocation may be, let us all fear the Lord in our vocations and pray that He will be the true refuge of our children.
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