Your child asks about transitioning. Here's what Christian parents need to know

A male at birth, Jazz wanted to be a girl starting at two years old. At 11, Jazz took puberty blockers and, at 14, began hormone therapy. After Jazz shared the experience of transitioning on ABC’s 20/20 in the US, it set a worldwide precedent: “You can be a child and opt for a medical transition, even if your parents don’t like it.”

It was not long after that Jazz started a YouTube channel and was the star of TLC’s reality TV show: I am Jazz. Such stories closely chronicling a child’s medical transition were unheard of until Raising Ryland; Jacob Lemay and German singer Kim Petras soon followed in Jennings’ footsteps.

Despite growing backlash, many youth are faced with fundamental questions as they see trans influencers flashed everywhere across social media: Was I really born in the wrong body? When young people come to their Christian parents for a medical transition, how should they respond?

Julie Maxwell, a paediatric physician who has increasingly been involved in supporting families of children with gender dysphoria, believes there are spiritual and societal attacks at play in the ongoing pressure for kids to transition.

“There is a whole attack on being created male and female and on being made in God’s image,” she says.

Now that she is semi-retired, Maxwell has dedicated more of her time to the UK-based organisation, Lovewise, which seeks to help parents, churches and schools to teach children about God’s good design for marriage and to help them navigate difficult topics in marriage, sex, and relationships.

One of the themes that comes up often among those questioning is puberty and its undesired effects. It’s important, she says, to diffuse unhelpful stereotypes and to celebrate what it means to be a man or woman created in God’s image.

“We need to see puberty as God’s good design. Children are growing up in such a secular environment and sometimes being told that it’s boring to be in their biological gender. As women, especially, we have a tendency to moan about puberty, periods and menopause.”

Maxwell recalls seeing a teenage girl who did not like wearing a skirt. Because of this, she stopped identifying as a female and started to socially transition by wearing male clothing, encouraged by friends and the online world. After that, she talked about her previous life as if it were a cult, Maxwell says.

As they are looking online, she says, teens and young adults are seeing a set of different facts compared to reality. Maxwell gives examples of various influencers such as the YouTuber Jammidodger, who have set the stage in publicising their own transitions and glorifying their surgeries.

“Parents need to parent and put those boundaries in when it comes to being online.”

In recent years, Maxwell notes that she has also seen an increase in children identifying as “non-binary” or “queer” over being trans. She also sees an increase in the number of boys identifying as girls. It is often the case, she says, that girls present themselves androgynously while boys often show up as girls online and officially come out later in their young adult years.

“It’s now cool to be non-binary.” Whether a child comes out as trans or non-binary, there are often deeper issues to be explored, she points out.

Sometimes, children are exposed to porn or they are physically or sexually abused. They think, 'I don’t want to be that kind of person or associate with the gender of their abuser(s),' she says. It is also the case that they may identify as trans to escape bullying.

And when young people do transition, many worry about the use of names and pronouns. Maxwell refrains from using their pronouns whenever possible, and in fact most of the time there is no need to use them.

“What I do is have a conversation with them. I tell them that I avoid using their pronouns or their name because I don’t want to upset or hurt them. I also say that based on my knowledge it is not in their best interests to have me use their preferred pronouns.”

It is important, Maxwell explains, to keep grounding them, as many tweens and teens are now living in an online world detached from their own physical body and with reality itself.

“They genuinely believe that it is harmful that they cannot access a medical transition at the moment. They’ve been told that this is the answer to all their problems and that their parents are the enemy.”

And because many parents do not want to lose their child over this, they often give in by going along with their transition because they want to see their child happy.

“Suicide has been weaponised, and many of the statistics used are simply untrue. The key thing to bear in mind is that you do not want to be the parent, or other adult, who encourages transition that may be regretted later on.”

It is important, therefore, to show good data to them. Mental health problems increase rather than decrease after adolescent transitions. The suicide rate also increases significantly ten years after a transition, she says.

In addition to showing the facts, Maxwell says, it is important to keep giving affection, to find ways of practically supporting and loving even when a teenager or young adult makes choices you disagree with but have no control over.

Show that you still love and care for them and will be there to support them whatever happens. Find common ground; find things you can do together, things you can enjoy that don’t involve gender. This way if/when they have regrets, they will know they can come to you, she also explains.