Feeling guilty as a parent? This is what you should know

Recently, I came across several articles discussing the concept of “mum guilt.” It seems to be a universal experience shared by mothers worldwide — the persistent feeling that we are falling short, that we are not enough, and that we are somehow to blame for everything that happens to our children.

These feelings resonate deeply. Parenthood brings an immense weight of responsibility. Juggling it all can feel overwhelming. Children, even from a young age, display their unique personalities and emotions. They are not passive recipients of our parenting. Often, their reactions do not align with our expectations, which exacerbates our feelings of guilt.

Added to this internal struggle is the external feedback we receive. Differences in parenting choices, judgments from others, and the inevitable comparisons with other mothers and families can intensify feelings of inadequacy.

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Sometimes, though, our mum guilt is entirely self-imposed, stemming from unrealistic standards and expectations we set for ourselves.

Change

Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler address this issue in their recent book “Gospel Mom”. They provide invaluable insights and practical advice for mothers grappling with guilt.

One key point they highlight is that guilt is often a consequence of our human imperfection. Parenthood, like any other area of life, will inevitably be accompanied by moments of failure.

Jensen and Wifler urge mothers to make a critical distinction: between convictions from the Holy Spirit and the accusations of the enemy. When the Holy Spirit points out a sinful behaviour or attitude, it serves as an invitation to grow — to embrace change and pursue sanctification with joy. This kind of conviction is constructive, guiding us to become better parents and stronger Christians.

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Conversely, when feelings of guilt come from the enemy — the metaphorical roaring lion whispering that we are unworthy of our role as mothers — we must resist these attacks with prayer and spiritual resilience. Otherwise, the resulting guilt is destructive and seeks to undermine our confidence and faith.

Challenges

Personally, I have found this distinction to be immensely freeing. I know I am far from being a perfect mother, and there will always be moments when I wish I had done things differently. But I also know that entrusting my parenting journey to God in prayer brings peace. God is faithful and just. He listens, forgives, and guides us as we navigate the challenges of motherhood.

The more we place our trust in God, the less power we give to the enemy’s whispers, accusing us of inadequacy.

Let’s remember that while we may stumble, we are not alone. With God’s guidance, we can grow into the parents He calls us to be, embracing the journey with grace and faith.