This is how you can be the perfect parent
Photo Canva.com, AFP, Yadira Perez
Christian Life
Everyone wants the best for their child. And the best for a child is to have a perfect parent, right? This is how you can become the best parent, columnist Anna writes.
Someone once said that the moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother in her did not. A mother is something absolutely new.
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I have not heard of a single mother who received a manual on how to be the best mum in 2024 while living in London, Rotterdam, Lyon (you can add your hometown). Society changes the rules on what good parenting looks like. But what's the same for all of them is that no one will ever suit the profile.
My friend Victoria, who recently gave birth to a baby girl, shared that she felt guilty for not being able to understand what her baby wanted, not being able to do the breastfeeding, and for not having enough funds for cover all the costs. No matter what you do or don’t do, you feel guilty.
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Mum’s guilt often arises when a woman is conflicted over responsibilities. She may struggle to balance her obligations as a caregiver with personal interests, work commitments, or family/husband expectations. When the kid grows up, parenting guilt grows too, especially when your child struggles in any way.
Victoria blames herself when things go wrong, without reflecting on the big picture, and feels persistently angry, anxious or irritable. She and her husband find it difficult to enjoy experiences with their child as they always compare themselves to other families on Instagram.
So, what is the solution for these mums? Three tips:
Firstly, we need to take one step at a time. If we think about the whole future and plan the life of a child years before, it will only increase the feeling of guilt. The best thing to cope with overplanning and over worrying is to ask God, “Father, what do You expect of me today? How I can be a good mum to my kid today?” We should learn to submit our future to the Lord Who holds our future in his hands.
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Secondly, remember there is not one “right” way to do things. There are many methods and variants, therefore, you cannot always do it “the right way”. Even the simple act of cutting vegetables for a salad drives me crazy when I cut them in my friend’s house. Apparently, in each household there are “right” and “wrong” ways to do so, although it tastes the same in my mouth.
And lastly, please stop comparing yourself to others, especially on Instagram. Instagram kids always look happier than my kid who has a tantrum at this moment. Instagram husbands have more income, and they are able to treat their wives with luxury gifts. Instagram mums are fit, beautiful, influential businesswomen who seem to handle everything in a perfect way. Comparison destroys my daily life and makes me deeply unhappy.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13). Good mothers are not the ones who have never struggled. They are the ones who have never given up.
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