This is the impact that three years of war has on children
Children seeking shelter in a metro station in Kyiv. Photo Canva.com, AFP, Tetiana Dzhafarova
Christian Life
Last week, the Ukrainian war had its third anniversary. Since that time, daily family life has become a struggle for many citizens.
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Three years ago, on February 24, 2022, at around 3:40 A.M., the first Russian tanks entered eastern Ukraine, and Ukraine itself trembled from the first enemy missiles striking its territory.
As a result of the war, 599 children have died, and more than 1,762 have been injured to varying degrees. The danger is still on with daily bombings, and hundreds of thousands of men and women are mobilised to a frontline, leaving their families and kids behind.
Being a parent in Ukraine during the war is not an easy task, as parents are the ones who should give a child a sense of security, a sense of home, and a feeling of having ground under their feet. However, this becomes a severe challenge when adults themselves struggle to find inner resources for coping with national and personal crisis.
Nobody knows how to raise a kid in a crisis or after a tragedy. This is a challenge nobody is prepared for.
Discipline
During the air raid alerts in Kyiv, my friends felt lost when their daughter refused to sleep separately in her bedroom, saying: “I don’t want some of you to die leaving me behind. Let’s stay together and sleep in one bed so that if the missile hits our apartment building, we will all die together.”
The girl was not afraid of death, as she could not fully understand that. But the fear of losing her parents was huge.
Another challenge for parents is having realistic boundaries that help cultivate a child's self-control. It is vital to provide an environment where there is discipline and rules. Even during wartime, parents need to create a schedule for their children so that life seems less chaotic. Schools still open their doors, kids can walk in the park, and birthdays are celebrated. These activities give children a sense of stability.
My friend Victoria often says that her biggest challenge is just to get through the day. However, strict discipline and the need to overcome her own fears help her move step by step, day by day, and create precious moments with her kid.
Sure, Victoria is angry that her child has to grow up during wartime, but she fights to focus on her area of responsibility and to do what she can do.
Healing
There are some basic needs that still should be secured even in crisis. Kids need a secure attachment, and stable, reliable and safe relationships with their family. The presence of their parents already has a healing effect. Hugs and a loving presence are the first factor that creates a feeling of safety for a child.
Time of crisis serves as a bond that can unite parents and kids. We all need to have the freedom to express our emotions and needs, that is, to talk about how one feels and express it in different ways without harming one other.
If kids see their parents crying, they want to know how they can help. At those moments, Victoria is honest with her daughter and says that it is okay to cry when you feel pain. Then her daughter hugs her, kisses her, and Victoria feels much better.
There are no guidelines on how to raise a child in crisis. But staying close and present, following a fixed schedule and expressing our feelings can help us walk through that period.
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