Why the 'gentle parenting' psychologists are extremists
"Children left undisciplined at home disgrace their mothers," Marius Bagu, writes. Photo Unsplash, Kostiantyn Li
Opinion
"A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother," claimed a lunatic 3000 years ago.
At first sight, at least in modernity, this is appalling, if not completely backwards. Almost anyone can get on board with a reprimand, but is adding a rod (or spanking) really too much?
Barbaric, cruel, feral—these are the words most people think of when talking about the rod. Whether we like to admit it or not, from the outside, especially if you do not understand basic child psychology, seeing a father spank his child, even if they burned down a house, is uncomfortable.
But here is the kicker: from my experience in the Romanian Educational System, children left undisciplined at home disgrace their mothers.
They do not want to learn, disrupt the classroom, and are a nuisance to the other pupils who wish to learn and are well-behaved. Moreover, they crassly disrespect adults, whether grandparents, neighbours, or educators.
Mantra
However, while my anecdotal experience can be authentic, others have different perspectives. In an interview with the American Psychological Association, Alan E. Kazdin, PhD, the John M. Musser Professor of Psychology and Child Psychiatry at Yale University, claimed:
"There is no evidence at all that spanking is needed to change behaviour and tremendous evidence that there are alternative procedures that psychology should develop to develop the behaviours you want." Alan's assumption is the epitome of modern psychology. From my research, I rarely find modern psychologists disagreeing with these remarks, which have become the mantra of contemporary child psychology regarding home discipline.
Although both Alan and I can provide different studies that prove our perspectives and anecdotal experience, in Research on Disciplinary Spanking is Misleading, Robert E. Larzelere, PhD, claims "[…] that most research against spanking uses methods so flawed that such studies would be rejected if they were being used to halt a medical procedure, such as chemotherapy for combating cancer.
The anti-spanking research suffers from three major fallacies or defects [correlation, extrapolation, and lumping] that invalidate its conclusions." Robert provides significant evidence against such studies.
From what I gather, academia is heavily biased against the rod (spanking). Alan's claim that "there's no evidence at all that spanking is needed to change behaviour" shows this bias.
His blind acceptance of alternative methods of discipline as the be-all and end-all solution to all children's destructive behaviours is just as bad as claiming that spanking is an end-all, be-all solution to all children's bad behaviours.
Chasm
There is a chasm between the lunatic and psychologists like Alan regarding human nature. The lunatic believed that children are born with a sinful nature, predisposed to wickedness and malevolence.
And that is why the rod, and the reprimand represent not only correction, but justice for the children's disobedience. Modern-day psychologists, with few exceptions, believe human nature is a mixture of good and evil, if not just good.
From this perspective, human nature does not need the rod to be corrected. It only needs tending and nurturing to develop good behaviours. Therefore, as Alan pointed out, we should only use alternative methods of discipline. As such, psychologists similar to Alan see spanking (the rod) as a form of violence and not a matter of justice.
Regarding other methods of discipline, whether detention, suspension, or expulsion at school, it is often looked down upon by psychology experts and has become harder to enforce. There is an imbalance in the system between positive and negative reinforcement, which can all be traced to false premises.
The difference between Alan's assertions and the lunatic's assertion is that the lunatic's assertion brings a balanced perspective to home discipline.
Letting a child who burns down a building, assaults their peers, and attacks the elderly get away only with a gentle reprimand (alternative methods of discipline) is barbaric, cruel, and feral. It would be a crass injustice.
As a side note, although I called the quote's author a lunatic, I intended to be hyperbolic and nothing else. I do not genuinely believe he was a lunatic; far from it. And his name was King Solomon.
Alternative methods of discipline are congruent with the principles of justice to a certain degree, but they do not account for all children's bad behaviour.
The rod (spanking) and the reprimand (alternative methods of discipline) account for all children's bad behaviour and are entirely congruent with the principles of justice. Spanking is congruent with the principles of justice, but only to a certain degree.
Balance
Disciplinarian methods must be used proportionally to the child's personality and bad behaviour. This requires both wisdom and patience. I abhor the idea of a child being unjustly or disproportionately punished.
While I acknowledge that a reprimand may be more than enough, there will also be children whose behaviour is so wicked that they need the rod. Although modern-day psychologists would like us to believe that even the balanced use of the rod and the reprimand will develop maladjusted children, the truth is quite the opposite.
The lack thereof, or the abuse of the rod and the reprimand, develops maladjusted children and antisocial adults. Both extremes are wrong.
I believe there are two extremes to children's bad behaviour and responses. One is regarding the extreme represented by modern child psychologists like Alan, and the other is described by those who justify the rod when children are physically abused. Although Alan's extreme seems gentler, it is just as abhorrent as the other one but in a different way.
Lacking the common sense to understand the balance between the rod and the reprimand and focusing only on the reprimand (alternative methods of discipline) shows the imbalance and backwardness of modern-day child psychology. Finally, from my personal experience in the Romanian Educational System, King Solomon was 100 per cent right, and modern-day child psychology is extremist.
Unfortunately, children who do not receive balanced discipline at home, such as the rod and the reprimand, are the ones who will bring shame to their mothers in society.
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